Remembering my Mirador retreat experience six days before my birthday

Today, six days before my birthday, I start reflecting on my past and present, and how journey has been - at least in the past ten years. One of my reflection materials is a recent memory - my retreat experience in Mirador Baguio in summer this year.

Today, I ask myself, after four months, is my disposition still the same? Do I have a change of heart?

From my photo album Suns of Mirador: Two Sunrises (Part 1)

My Reflection, Silent Retreat, Mirador Jesuit Villa, Baguio City, April 6 to 10, 2011

In February 2010, I was so sure I was leaving Ateneo de Naga for a couple of reasons. My plan was to resign in June of the same year. By that time, I shall have completed my turnover report and paid my personal loan from the University. I shall be free. But before that, in March, I had to go on what I thought was my third and last silent retreat sponsored by the University. And so I went here in Mirador. I did not have specific desires, except maybe to rest, free myself from work, eat, thank the Lord for the personal and professional gifts that I had received in Ateneo, and somehow affirm the decision that I had made, without any intention to change it. I suspected that it had been my disposition in my first two retreats: affirming decisions pre-made, listening only to my voice, pretending it was God. But I did not have the foggiest idea that things at Mirador will not go my way. I believe it helped that I did not have the specific desires, so, consciously or unconsciously, I allowed God… or shall I say, God took the opportunity to lead me to important issues and decisions that needed review and discernment. To shorten the story, with the guidance of my retreat director Ms. Minda, my five days at Mirador last year changed my decision. I have stayed with Ateneo, but remained attentive to my internal movements and open to other possibilities.

I remember few weeks after the retreat, one of my prayers was answered. Fr. Joel asked if I wanted to leave his office and be the Deputy Director of Student Affairs. Of course, I said yes. With my decision to stay at Ateneo and my yes to Fr. Joel, I embarked on the new chapter of my journey at Ateneo, more challenging, sometimes not rewarding, but always fulfilling. Along with career growth, I also received other special gifts. The saying “when it rains, it pours” can aptly describe my life the past twelve months.

Today is the fifth day of my fourth retreat. And like my third retreat, I came here without specific issues or problems for resolution. On the first day, I already had this disposition. I remember, when I was at the labyrinth, the first thing I asked God was, “What is it that you desire for me this time, Lord?” There was no answer. There was just silence. But I was patient. I learned from the previous retreat that I have to wait for God’s time. Maybe God at that time was busy with another retreatant so I waited until images started to enter my mind – first, faces of my parents, my colleagues and friends with whom I had just spent time in Sagada before this retreat; and then events like my transfer back to the Office of Student Affairs, my travel opportunities, the new joyful events in my family, among others. That must be God’s response to my question – awareness of the gifts that I have been gifted with. Given this awareness and joy, I received a deep confirmation that, indeed, I am loved. And, the source of this love is God.

The next question posed to me by my retreat director, Bro. Bong, was: “How do you respond to God’s love?

My reflection on this question did not come easily. At first I had to deal with a recurrent issue: to leave or not to leave Ateneo. Maybe, this is a common concern among retreatants in Ateneo, especially the young. But maybe, being disturbed by this concern is a first step to responding to God’s love. By seriously entertaining the thought, one explores and validates where he/she may be most productive or where he/she is called to serve: be it in Ateneo or outside. Anyway, my prayer, my careful evaluation of the pros and cons of each option led me again to a decision to stay.

The second step to answering the question was value clarification which I remember I also did last year. In a prayer, I listed many values and materials important for me. Then I went back to my desires and decisions, and I realized the rationale behind them.

Now again, to the question, “How do you respond to God’s love?” To provide a context, Bro. Bong suggested that I read The Story of a Rich Man. In this story, Jesus told the rich man: “Sell all you have and give to the poor. You will have a treasure in heaven. Then come and follow me.” Upon hearing this, the man became sad, for he was a very rich man.

To be honest, when I first read it, I got defensive, not because I am rich, but because I am not. In fact, in my journal, I wrote:

Dear Lord, I do not have a car. I do not have savings in a bank. I have some debts to pay. My parents do not have properties for me to inherit someday. My salary is only enough to sustain my daily basic needs, but when I settle down someday or decide to have my own house, I doubt if it can build even a fence. Of course, I am exaggerating.

But my point, Lord, is that I am not a rich man. I have no material wealth to sell and give to the poor.

Then, the Lord knocked my head so I can remember the grace of Day 1: self awareness of my gifts and confirmation of God’s love for me. If these are wealth, then I may qualify as a rich man.

This reminds me of the Dugong Atenista, which I had the chance to redesign as a formation program in 2008. Last year, I dubbed the bloodletting activities with the theme: “I am loved, I give blood”. When promoting the activity to students, we, at OSA, explained to them that they are loved, given the many blessings that they receive, and that the source of these blessings is God. And then we asked them: How do you return this love? Of course, the theme encouraged that they donate blood.

It turned out that I had asked students the same question I was asked in this retreat: How do you respond to God’s love?

Maybe I should learn from the Dugong Atenista program, from the same program I wrote. Maybe I should learn from the opening message, which I recall I delivered at a processing session of Dugong Atenista last year: I said: Do not just pray. Do not just thank God. Pay it forward. Share your blessings.

In this retreat: the Lord brought back to me what I said: Give of yourself: talents, skills, time, friendship, care, love, not because I am motivated by the promise of entering the kingdom of God, or afraid of the fires of hell, but because it is the loving thing to do.

I can also say that in my life I have responded to God’s love. I know that the Lord is pleased to know this. But I also know that compared to the bulk of gifts I receive each day, what I give is so small.

The modesty of my response was further pronounced when suddenly in my reflection, the prayer of St. Ignatius came to mind. It is his response to God’s great love, his interpretation of Jesus’ challenge to the rich man: Kunin mo, O Diyos, at tanggapin mo ang aking kalayaan, ang aking kalooban, puso at gunita ko… Ang lahat ay tatalikdan ko…

Beautifully written, but the prayer is easier read, said or sung than done. I would be dishonest and hypocrite if I tell the Lord that at this time or sooner… ang lahat ay tatalikdan ko. Truth is, deep inside me, there is selfishness and so much self-love. Truth is, after this retreat, I will sin.

But then again, God reassured: I am loved. I am loved despite my sins, my inadequacies, my excesses. But then again, as the ending of St. Ignatius’ prayer, I am reassured: Just give me your love and your grace, it is enough for me. And I know very well, how loving my God is. I am reassured.

Finally, I thank God for leading me to this place for this retreat, Bro. Bong, everyone and everything in this place that helped facilitate my retreat. It is my hope that I will be able to sustain this desire to pray, and to bring the meanings and fruits of my retreat experience to Naga and anywhere I go.

It is my prayer to take it a personal everyday challenge to be mindful of the God’s invitation to love, to serve.

Thank you for listening.

Winter is coming

Note: This is not a review.

I am a Lord of the Rings fan, so I am not surprised if I was easily lured to watching all the episodes of Game of Thrones – Season 1 in one day.

My TV series’ playlist this year has been dominated by crime dramas (Criminal Minds, Lie to Me, The Mentalist, Dexter and Bones), so going back to historical dramas would be nice. I finished last year The Tudors, Spartacus and Rome, so I was happy to pick from the pirated DVD stall (outside E-mall) another historical drama – one with the title Game of Thrones. But I was wrong.

Thrones is not a historical drama. I usually google the synopsis of a series before watching, but I was not able to do it with Thrones, so watching it was really a good surprise for me. It has more than enough elements to make me a wiling hostage for maybe 8 hours. It is a tale of dynastic families, swordfighting, sex, loyalty vs. betrayal, war and the struggle for power – the themes that describe Westeros, with seven kingdoms all determined to fight for the Iron Throne.

Thrones’ plot is definitely not that original, but originality is not an issue for me, especially if I crave for fantastic setting and plot, after watching LOTR a long time ago. It reminds me a bit of the account of betrayal in Rome, the court politics and power play in Kings and The Tudor, the war and conspiracy in the movie Octavius. Many details of the series are reminiscent of some popular themes like King Arthurs’ knighthood, the Roman empire, the English monarch, Greek mythology, tales of dragon and even zombies. The series’ juxtaposition of these elements has even made the story rich and exciting.

Thrones, further, has some elements of surprise, of unpredictability – especially if one is concerned about the survival of his/her favorite characters. For instance, I was really expecting that the beheading of lead cast Ned Stark by King Geoffrey would not push through, that something would happen to save Ned. But it’s probably telling the series’ followers that Thrones’ plot is too dynamic to revolve around Ned for the next season.

Another surprise for me in this series is that sex is not much as I had thought. Compared to The Tudors, Spartacus and Rome, Thrones would be conservative. Maybe, with the exciting storylines and impressive acting of the cast, Thrones does not need much sex to sell.

With the season’s final episode, I can’t wait to see dragons flying in the second season.

When I checked online for info regarding the second season, I found out that the Game of Thrones is based from George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice, the series of novels. A friend recommended that I read the books. I hope I have the time, otherwise I can just be satisfied with the TV series.

If you tame me

I am reappreciating my all-time favorite book by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, the Little Prince.

One of my favorite parts of the box is when the fox tries to establish friendship with the Little Prince. He asks the prince to tame him by saying:

“…if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat…” 

Pagsungko ni Ina (sa Ateneo de Naga) 2011

The noontime Angelus of Ateneo de Naga University on August 15 became more meaningful as the image of Our Lady of Penafrancia, Ina, carried by the voyadores (composed of faculty, staff, and students), visited the University. Ina was greeted by Physical Education students wearing their yellow uniforms as she entered the Christ the King Church.

University Chaplain Fr. Ritche B. Elot, S.J. facilitated a Welcome Liturgy for Ina with a prayer and Gospel reading. The Music Ministry of the Chaplaincy serenaded Ina with Marian songs, including the popular Penafrancia hymn Resuene Vibrante.

Theology classes, employees, and devotees took turns for the vigil in the afternoon. At 5 p.m., Fr. Jose C. Embile, S.J., celebrated a Mass. Outside the church, the University Band and students organized a procession for the departure of Ina.

At 6:20 p.m. Ina was brought back to the Cathedral by school staff and PE faculty. There, Ina was welcomed back with the Marian antiphon, Salve Regina.

The 'Blue and Gold' Revolution Challenge: Think and Do Green!

The Office of Student Affairs (OSA) organized a seminar-workshop for student leaders in the University, entitled Climate Change and the Call for a Change of Attitude on August 14. The activity was one of the preliminaries aimed at introducing to the students the school’s shared vision of an environment caring University, leading to the institutional launching of the Policy on Waste Management Program in the Blue and Gold Revolution within this school year.

The program had three talks which raised the students’ awareness of environmental issues and problems, and challenged them to take actions. In the morning, INECAR director Dr. Emelina G. Regis talked about global and local issues on Climate Change. Next, INECAR staff Shane B. Bimeda revealed current realities about the campus environment based on the recent survey jointly conducted by OSA, INECAR and the Supreme Student Government. In the afternoon, Director of Administrative Services Romeo B. Fajardo presented the Waste Management Program drafted by a committee he heads.

For the workshop, the participants were divided into small groups. Here, they reflected on concrete actions that they can do personally and communally to protect the environment. To conclude the activity, some groups shared in the plenary their Code of Conduct, a set of commitment statements that express their care for the environment. The workshop was facilitated by OSA director Fr. Ritche B. Elot, S.J.

The activity was participated in by more than 150 student leaders from 36 student organizations and classes. Some of the participants volunteered to be part of a group committee which will refine the collated Code of Conduct and collaborate with OSA and other concerned offices in planning for and implementing programs and activities for the environment.