Five Years of Dugong Atenista: Love and Heroism

As pronounced by this year's theme: “Heroes bleed love,” the Dugong Atenista program celebrates five years of 'ordinary' heroism this 2011. For five years now, the program has inspired the University community to make 1,570 blood donations. It has benefitted hundreds of unknown recipients of these collected blood units, and made more than a hundred referrals for Ateneans, immediate families and friends. It has facilitated the formation of donors, especially students, to develop a strong sense of volunteerism and new perspective on heroism through blood donation.

Brief History

Dugong Atenista was launched in July 2007 by the Office of Student Affairs, in cooperation with other partner offices like the Personnel Services Office, as an outreach program which aimed at providing ready and safe blood to the University community in times of medical emergencies. The first two bloodletting activities were done during the outreach days of the Feasts of St. Ignatius de Loyola and St. Francis Xavier. The frequency and scheduling of the drives have been carried out up to now.

In February 2008, the intention of ADNU to sustain the program was formalized in a Memorandum of Agreement signing with Bicol Medical Center, with the BMC Medical Chief and the University President as signatories.

In June of the same year, with the restructuring of OSA as a formation office, Dugong Atenista was redefined as a formation program and incorporated into the Ateneo Student Awareness and Action Program (ASAP!). Since the redefinition of Dugong Atenista as a formation program, donors gathered after each bloodletting activity in a processing session, where their motivations for donating blood were revisited, and their experiences were recounted and deepened using the Ignatian Pedagogical Paradigm processing tool. It is in this venue where the program strives to motivate the donors to continue donating blood as an important, healthy and heroic act.

Over the years, the program has tried to popularize easy-to-memorize themes highlighting ideas of love and heroism, and inviting Ateneans, especially the students, to participate in the bloodletting activities and develop the formation that they can gain from the program:

·         Donate blood and save lives! (2007)

·         You Can Be Ignatian Heroes: Donate blood and save lives! (2008)

·         Give the Gift of Life (2009)

·         I am loved. I give blood. (2010)

·         Love. Bleed. Let live. (2010)

·         July 31 is Ateneo Heroes Day: Heroes bleed love. (2011)

The Blood Drives and the On-Call Donation Program

Since 2007, the OSA and BMC have conducted nine bloodletting drives. The first bloodletting activity of the program already drew 86 donors, which according to BMC is impressive for a start. This figure grew year by year, now reaching a total of 1,570 donations in eight bloodletting activities.

Dugong Atenista recorded the highest number of recruited donors in one setting by a private organization in Bicol four times: in July 2008 (200), in July 2010 (200), in November 2010 (227) and in the latest drive (263).

Bloodletting Activities	Number of Donors	Rank	Growth Rate
July 2011	263	1	15.86%
November 2010	227	2	13.50%
July 2010	200	3	9.29%
December 2009	183	6	0.54%
July 2009	182	5	-3.19%
December 2008	188	4	24.50%
July 2008	151	7	67.78%
December 2007	90	8	4.66%
July 2007	86	9
Total number of donations in nine (9) bloodletting activities	1, 570

Table No. 1. Total number of donors per bloodletting activity, School Years 2007-2011

To date, the Dugong Atenista program has made referrals benefitting more than a hundred members of the ADNU community, relatives and friends out of the collections in the bloodletting activities.

Classification of Referral-Beneficiaries	Year					Total
	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011
Student	No classification done	7	0	1	0	8
Relative of Student		18	9	11	6	44
Faculty/ Staff		5	1	5	0	11
Relative of Faculty/ Staff		10	12	29	4	55
Others		0	0	2	0	2
TOTAL of beneficiaries through referrals	15	40	22	48	10	120

Table No. 2 and Graph No. 1. Summary and Classification of Referral-Beneficiaries, Years 2007-2011.

	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011
No. of Bags of Blood Released by BMC	82	172	71	160	17
No. of bags of blood collected during the bloodletting activities	176	339	365	427	263
No. of bags of blood ADNU can still avail of	94	167	294	267	246

Table No. 3. Units of Blood released to referral-beneficiaries, Years 2007-2011.

Note: The units of blood collected are all used by BMC, but ADNU is still entitled to dispense the same number of units of blood collected during the Dugong Atenista bloodletting activities, for its referral-beneficiaries for the members of the ADNU community and their immediate families.

Reasons for Requesting Blood Referrals	Student	Faculty/ Staff	Relatives of Student	Relatives of Faculty/Staff	TOTAL
Operations (e.g surgery,  elective surgery, Cesarean)	-	-	4	4	8
Blood Transfusion due to low count of hemoglobin and  internal bleeding	2	-	13	19	34
Birth Labor	-	-	1	1	2
Dengue	1	-	2	-	3
Cancer	-	-	1	1	2

Table No. 4. Reasons of referral-beneficiaries for their requests, Years 2010-2011 only.

The on-call donation component of the program has also become more effective now in responding to special cases (dengue, etc.).

These achievements have been recognized both by the Department of Health-Bicol and the BMC for its efforts in concretizing the National Blood Services Act of 1994 in the campus.

The Formation of Donors and Volunteers

“I am loved. I give blood.” This Ignatian Spirituality-inspired theme in 2010 can summarize the experiences of the blood donors who have attended the thanksgiving and experience-processing sessions conducted by OSA every after bloodletting activity since 2008.

To appreciate the motivations and impact of the program on the donors, the inputs of the 2010 volunteers during a processing session can be reviewed. They positively claimed that they donated blood to help save lives, among other noble and personal reasons.

To save a life by giving a part of oneself was the most common motivation for the donors. This was also articulated by Dugong Atenista regular donor Manuel Sambo, Media Studies Laboratory custodian. “I am a blood donor; I save lives,” he said, echoing the popular tagline of BMC’s blood services program.

Similarly, University Treasurer Ramon Nonito Ayo, shared that his awareness of the importance of blood donation motivated him to donate blood. He recounted the first time he donated blood to his inaanak who had dengue fever, an experience which inspired him to make regular blood donation a personal pledge. He described how good it feels knowing that he forms part of the recipients through his blood which now flow into their veins.

Political Science senior student John Eduard Alejo explained that he donated out of unconditional love for others. He said that he does not expect even for a “Thank you” from those who may benefit from the blood extracted from him.

Aside from charity, Alex Pilapil, DACA Laboratory custodian, pointed out the benefit of regularly donating blood for him. He said that he has been encouraged to adopt a healthy lifestyle so that he could be qualified the next time he donates blood.

Katherine Tormes of BMC affirmed this statement as one of the advantages of blood donation. For a donor to be qualified, she explained that one must have stable blood pressure, in the right weight, and free from illnesses and sexually transmitted diseases.

Many student-donors shared that the first challenge for them was to overcome the fear of needle or the pain that it would take during the blood extraction.

For instance, Gil Andru O. Abrazado, a Nursing student, had to put off his plan to donate blood in December 2007 because his fear of needle. However, his desire to participate in Dugong Atenista outgrew his phobia the next semester when he successfully donated blood for the first time. Now a four-time donor, he wrote in his reflection paper that he would not mind experiencing the pain again and again because he believes that “there is always someone in need, so there is always a reason to bleed.”

On a similar note, Mary Ann I. Santos, a Nursing student, wrote that the little “pain that one would feel with the prick of a needle is nothing compared to the fulfillment the donation will give.”

One of the important successes of the Dugong Atenista program is the strong presence of students in all drives. The student sector comprised about 75 to 90 percent of the total number of donors in each drive. The program also clicked among student organizations as at least 60 percent of the donors represented at least 30 student organizations since 2008. Aside from being the largest donor-sector, students and student organizations have also helped both in the campaign and in the conduct of bloodletting of Dugong Atenista. The Donor Care, composed of trained Nursing students, have assisted the BMC phlebotomists in extracting blood from and taking care of the donors. Hence, the program has become a hands-on training of selected Nursing students on a course-related field.

Donor-sector	July 31, 2007	December 3, 2007uly 31, 2007	July 31, 2008	December 2, 2008	July 31, 2009	December 1, 2009	July 31, 2010	November 30, 2010	July 30, 2012	Total
Students	77	73	129	169	143	160	155	180	212	1298
Office Staff	2	9	6	11	19	10	17	16	13	103
Administrators	4	3	4	1	2	1	4	2	2	23
Faculty	3	5	8	2	2	6	9	7	8	50
Alumni	0	0	3	5	16	6	15	20	13	78
Others (Relatives, Friends, Etc.)	0	0	1	0	0	0	0	2	15	18
Total	86	90	151	188	182	183	200	227	263	1570

Table No. 4. Profile of blood donors (By Sector), School Years 2007 - 2011

The OSA has also tapped student organizations like Ateneo Red Cross Youth and Ateneo Dance Club as volunteers during pre-registration of potential donors and actual blood drives.

It is also interesting to note the figures of regular and first time donors. In the most recent drive, for example, 50.19 percent of the total figure donated at least once in previous years, while 49.81 percent bled for the first time. These figures suggest a parallel rise in the number of frequent and first time donors.

In 2010, OSA released and awarded the donors who have bled four to nine times. One faculty was able to donate in all nine drives. The OSA interprets the first figure as an affirmation that the program has already developed a pool of regular donors. In fact, in the exit registration, most of the donors expressed willingness to donate blood in next scheduled bloodletting activity. Many of these donors are coming from the student sector, but also from the employees and the alumni who had participated in the drives during their college years. On the other hand, the rise in the number of first time donors (6.74 percent growth rate), OSA explains, is a success indicator of the program campaign’s effectiveness in developing positive public knowledge, attitudes and beliefs towards blood donation, stressing on its importance and safety. Together, the parallel growths of regular and first time donors are important in ensuring the sustainability of the Dugong Atenista in the coming years.

And after five years of overwhelming support from the University community, the OSA and BMC understand a clear message: the community needs Dugong Atenista. In response to this, the organizers of the program is poised to continue serving the community by providing the community safe and ready supply of blood through the bloodletting drives and recruitment of on-call donors. It is poised to intensify its efforts to challenge and form Ateneans to bleed as a selfless act of volunteerism, an expression of unconditional love for others and as a way of thanking God for His blessing.

Ateneo heats up in CamSur split forum

Ateneo de Naga University, Naga City – Here, close to 1,300 Ateneans, officials from various local government units, student leaders from other schools and local media filled the Gymnasium on November 18 for the grand forum on House Bill 4820 dubbed To Divide or Not: What’s in it for us?

The proposal to split Camarines Sur and carve out a new province, Nueva Camarines, has triggered discussions in the University, whether in classrooms or in social media. This motivated the Office of Student Affairs to organize a forum to provide the University community a venue to raise and deepen their awareness and understanding on the bill and important issues related to it. OSA partnered with the Social Sciences Department to compliment classroom discussion on the topic. As a form of outreach, the OSA offered the external community invitation to the forum.

University President Primitivo Viray Jr., S.J. at the start of the program talked about Pope Benedict XVI’s Caritas et Veritate (Charity in Truth) to set a perspective in the discussion. He said that while the truth may be elusive and multifaceted, the community should seek for it. He also reminded the politician-speakers to articulate their versions of the truth not only with passion but with humility. Finally, he urged all to see the truth in the spirit of charity or love.

In the forum, Third District Representative Luis Villafuerte, co-author of HB 4820, presented the background, salient points and rationale of the proposal. Camarines Sur board members Angel Naval and Warren Senar, were given the opportunity to explain the reason for their opposition.

Rep. Villafuerte argued that the division proposal is not novel, citing historical accounts of subdivision in the region. He stressed that the bill is compliant with the legal requirements as provided for in the Local Government Code, particularly the criteria on land area, population and land area. He told the crowd that the division would create two first-class provinces, and a reduced Camarines Sur would benefit from more focused governance. He disputed the arguments being presented by the opposition to the public. Among others, he pointed out that it is not true that there will be new taxes for Nueva Camarines as the law provides that a new province should not impose new taxes five years within its creation. He further clarified that the division will not affect the current tourism development as the Caramoan tourism program, for instance, can stay with Camarines Sur unless an agreement can be made to benefit both the old and new provinces. He defended the timing of the proposal as the law requires a year of transition to facilitate the preparations of the division and to have the elections of the new local government in 2013 should the plebiscite affirm the proposal.  

The opposition, on the other hand, said that their camp finds no compelling reason to divide the province. Naval described HB 4820 as a defective product, revealing that the proponents asked the Senate to insert amendments in the original version that had been approved by the House of Representatives. He said that the amendments constitute an admission from the proponents that the bill is erroneous. He also countered the proponent’s point that Camarines Sur is too big to be governed, saying that it is a leadership challenge. Senar, moreover, warned that the division means that provinces in the region need a large amount of resources to accommodate the financial requirements of Nueva Camarines creation. The IRA shares of provincial governments and the income of Camarines Sur will significantly decrease because of the split.

After the presentations, Ateneans shared their reactions and questions to both sides. Social Sciences faculty Tito Valiente found no economic or social feasibility offered by both sides. Student debater Arcci Relloso, on the other hand, challenged both camps – for the proponents to justify the timeliness of the proposal, and for the opposition to provide stronger arguments other than IRA or income concerns. Other students raised their concerns during the controlled open forum. One student expressed frustration on the quality of the infomercial in TV and radio commercials produced by both camps, while another commented on the shift of the discussions about the bill from the real issues to personalities.

In the end, Supreme Student Government President Ludel Maiello Mier and Director of Student Affairs Fr. Ritche Elot, S.J. urged the participants to continue learning about and reflecting on the issue so as to come up with an informed and intelligent opinion on the matter. The organizers clarified, however, that the activity does not serve as precedent to the formulation of an institutional stand. They explained that what is important is the ongoing reflection to reach an informed choice, whether for or against the division of the province.

The OSA was assisted by the Liga ng mga Estudyante sa Agham Pampulitika and other student volunteers. For interested student organizations, faculty and offices in the University, videocopies of the forum courtesy of IM Multimedia are available at OSA.

To be 29

In some lazy afternoons back in high school, I often visited the Naga City Public Library that used to occupy the second floor of the old building on the corner of Panganiban Avenue and Elias Angeles Street. One time, in 1999, I serendipitously pulled a thin paperback from the library shelf full of children’s books. I was sixteen then when, in one sitting, I read The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.

The novella influenced my self-image and worldview that, for instance, like the pilot and the little prince, I shared the same opinion about the grownups: they are strange, unhappy, and unappreciative of the essential things that are invisible to the eye. However, being sixteen and going to college, I understood that, like the pilot, I will then have to face a more serious chapter in my life and later become a grownup. So I set this teenage yet sacred goal: I will be a grownup only when I reach the age of 30. Thus, I had fourteen years to ignore the strange matters of consequence of the grownups: getting married, raising kids, fulfilling responsibilities and obligations, and dealing with some serious issues that parents, like the grownups at home, would normally think, talk, quarrel or worry about. I had fourteen years to be young, carefree and happy.

Faithful to my goal, I decided, after high school graduation, to be away from home and avail myself of Manila education. I was not so certain about my motivation for my departure, if for freedom or for education or both, but I had my excuse – I was young and ambitious; Being impulsive was still forgivable. The grownups at home did not protest and, consistently in the perspective of a grownup, they thought that my decision would land me a good-paying job and a secure future.

My admission to the premiere University of the Philippines-Diliman facilitated my sweet independence. There, people did not know and care about my achievements in high school. There, I was not a son of a first-rate teacher. There, I was an unfashionable probinsiyano. There, I was a beginner. There, I had to prove myself again. But I was determined and highly competitive. As an iskolar ng bayan, I strived be an artist in my own right. I continued my passion in writing. I joined a new choir, the UP Vocal Ensemble. I was truly independent: cooked my food, washed my clothes, cleaned my room. I was exactly what and who I desired to be at seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.

At twenty, I was too proud of my small victories, still overwhelmed by my freedom, and consumed by my uncontainable youthful energies and creativity. Consciously or unconsciously, I turned into an agnostic: too arrogant to believe in the supernatural, too strong to pray for anything that I could possibly not do, but afraid enough to dismiss my Catholic faith and guilt. I was a superman: I did what I wanted to do, without pause for reflection, without weariness, without much regard to rightness or wrongness.

At twenty-one, I began to sense some meaninglessness in my vanity, my pride, my disconnectedness with the world. I felt some emotions I was not comfortable with, like loneliness, purposelessness. I was recalling the joys of a real long-lasting friendship – the rituals of taming, the beer sessions, the gimmicks, the kiss-and-tell talks.  I was missing my memory of a first love - the love letters, the warmth of her hand on mine, the beautiful sunset in our eyes, the candlelit dinners, the walks under the stars, the talks about forever, the breakup, the heartache. I was missing memories I never had!

So I tried. The letters, the rituals – I tried them. But the sunset looked the same; the stars twinkled unexcitingly as they did. The breakup was a relief. The heartache was… There was no heartache. I knew from the start, I only tried. I did not love. At twenty-one, I was not like any other guy of my age. I was not in love.

At twenty-one, I was out of school. I was jobless. I was wandering day and night without purpose. I stopped singing. I forgot how to dream. I found it hard to sleep. The grownups did not know; I was ashamed to tell them what I was going through. If there was one thing I still had that time, it was pride. The rest was darkness, vagueness, senselessness. I forgot who I was and who I was supposed to be at twenty-one.

At twenty-two, everything was not lost. I came home to the familiar, to the grownups, to my family – to my old “matters of great consequence”. There, forgiveness was embracing; hope was waiting; love was promising to heal me. I was not sure if I deserved all the consolation and reassurance, but love was unconditionally given to me by my family, despite my angst and my flaws. 

At twenty-two, I knew that there is such a thing as second chance in life. But I also realized that messing up has its consequences. I had to deal with the unfamiliar - the humiliating, the hurting, the humbling. I was never the same: my self-image and world-image were not anymore of a seventeen. It was the first time that I realized I had evolved in five years. My disposition was not yet of a grownup, but my experiences were not of a twenty-two year old.

I virtually rebooted my life at twenty-two. I started with a clean slate, only with some experiences that needed closure. I did not know when or how they could be processed. But meantime, I clung to the comfort and reassurance of home. I hoped that time would eventually heal my wounds.

I was at school again – the Ateneo de Naga University, but the circumstances were different this time. There were too many rules for me to follow, but I just consoled myself by thinking that I needed them after a long time of deviance. I was too old for my new mates and friends; they seemed too way childish for me. I thought that I was not with who I should be at twenty. But I thought wrong again. They were the best people I should meet at this point. With them, I was happy and safe. Slowly, I was loosening up and opening up myself with others. And as I shared my humanity – with some ugly details of it - the pain gradually subsided.

At twenty-two, my sense of community broadened up. I took up the challenge of leadership in an organization: the Liga ng mga Estudyante sa Agham Pampulitika (LEAP). At last, I sensed some purpose of my existence. I was not sure if I was ever a good student. My grades were just fine, but definitely not the best I can come up with. I was not the obedient student a teacher or a prefect of discipline can wish for. In fact, I was once under disciplinary warning status for minor violations. But of this I was most certain: I led and served LEAP by heart.

When it rained, it poured. I was fortunate to have earned many opportunities: the Ayala Young Leaders Congress formation, the National Youth Parliament linkages, among others. But more importantly, my leadership formation helped rebuild my self-confidence and worth. I was praying again. I was trusting again. I was dreaming again. I felt I was much stronger than I should feel at twenty-three.

At twenty-three, I rode on a rollercoaster of emotions. I felt tough not to handle any challenge – except maybe love, which came to me when I least expected it. I must admit that I felt happier, more human than I ever was. I was singing again. I was smiling again. But as much as it caused me deep joy, it also gave me moments of sadness, of longing. I had ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’. I thought that it was too much of a risk to be weak again at a time when I was just regaining my momentum. Did I regret? Painfully, no. But remembering the ride was intense; forgetting was long. Indeed, at twenty-three, I was less than a teenager when it came to issues of the ‘heart’.

At twenty-four, I knew it would take some time before I could ride a rollercoaster again. Meanwhile, like a consolation, I saw that the future looked bright again for me. At least according to my curriculum vitae, I was very promising and competitive. But I appreciated myself a little too much. I was already twenty-four but I had to start at the bottom like any other beginner, only with longer curriculum vitae.

Having believed that I was for something bigger than my hometown, I tried to leave again. I did not pay attention to the grownups. I hastily dismissed other possibilities. But then all the ugly details of Manila: the smoke, the traffic, the senseless rush, the insomnia caused me palpitation and hypertension.  Maybe I was unconsciously malingering, but my disposition seemed to tell me that I was not for the career path I was taking, and led me to a journey back home again.

Like a gift, exactly on my 25^th birthday, my formation as a worker at the vineyard of the Ateneo de Naga University began. I started at the Social Involvement Office where I understood community outreach in a more enlightened perspective and received basic office work training. Soon enough – exactly six months after, however, I knew that I was not to stay for long in the job when I was given an offer I cannot refuse: to be a formator of student leaders and organizations at the Office of Student Affairs (OSA). At first I found formation work too big for me to chew, but with the support of people and a lot of self-confidence, I took up the challenge. Being a former student leader myself, it was a fitting opportunity for me to help facilitate student leadership formation through concrete development programs. Amazingly, in a short span of time, positive evaluation and response, even awards affirmed my work. Overjoyed, I imagined myself at the Ateneo de Naga for a long time.

But at twenty-six, I was just too fluid. What I thought quickly changed. At this time, I left OSA to work for no less than the President. At my new niche, I met, talked and dined with prominent people – grownups and not, listened to and inspired by their matters of consequence. I worked with nice colleagues – mostly not thinking like grownups, thankfully. With them, I was pushed to live out excellence and magis, be it in writing, organizing, or even clerical work. True, I had a prestigious and convenient job, but I was not happier. It came to a point when I was so sure of leaving Ateneo de Naga.

I realized that, at twenty-six, I was underpaid. I did not have my own house, or my own car. I had no savings in the bank. I was dependent on the grownups. I felt underappreciated, unable to maximize my potentials and skills. But I kept myself busy at work, and busy with extra-curricular activities when not at work to sustain my busyness, and to evade from the thought of leaving due to some frustrations. My desires to help my family and to have a stable future were strong that at the end of the day I had to confront the issue. My reflection – in the silence of my retreats and in the noise of my daily struggles - however, always led me to stay and be grateful for my gifts, but also to be attentive to my internal movements and the options that life presents to me. As if an answered prayer, before summer ended, I was home at OSA again, this time as its Deputy Director. I then embarked on a new journey that has been challenging, not materially rewarding, but inspiring.

At twenty-seven and twenty-eight, I was a jetsetter flying near and far, awe-inspired by the Byzantine and Ottoman landscape of Turkey, the skyscrapers and subway of Singapore, the motorbikes and conical hats of Vietnam, the chopsticks and kimchi of Korea; the waves of Calaguas, the mangroves of Cagsao, the fireflies of Donsol, the heights of Albay, the rocky roads of Bagolatao, the mountain ranges of Puerto Princesa, the rice field and port of Sagnay, the rice terraces of Sagada, the pine trees of Baguio, the river of Lupi. More importantly, I met and interacted with many people, mostly not grownups, of different races, backgrounds and matters of consequence. My perspectives were widening; my linkages, expanding. But underneath personal and professional development, I was on a journey to myself: chasing liberty again, but a more guided one this time; seeking deeper meanings in life; forming interpersonal relations; finding my true place under the sun; desiring to be a better person.

TODAY, at twenty-eight, I am still underpaid. I still feel underappreciated. I am still not romantically in love. I am still having thoughts on leaving or not the University or the country. But today, I recall having earned Mayoral Award at a young age. I have traveled four countries abroad in the last two years. I have 788 Facebook friends from 35 countries. I have found a new passion – photography, and organized 44 albums in eight months. My brother has just been promoted Associate Manager of Manila Water. My mother is in the peak of her career as a teacher and school administrator. My father is still the kindest father a son can ask for. My sister has been blessed with a child, Princess Reigne, who has made home livelier and the grownups happier. Today, God affirms His great love for me, through the love of my family and other people and the many gifts I have received all these years. It would be too ungrateful and unjust of me if I rant a lot. After all, I am not underpaid.

Today, I remember myself at seventeen and my plan to be a grownup at 30, and I laugh at my foolishness. Maybe, given only a year left before the deadline, I will not be ready for the matters of the grownups: settling down, getting married kids, fulfilling responsibilities and obligations, and confronting some serious stuff that my parents still think, talk, quarrel and worry about. Maybe I should give myself five more years, or maybe not. Maybe I should plan a bit less, and let life surprise me a bit more. Maybe I should just live each day like it is the last.

Maybe I should learn from the past thirteen years of my life, how I in each year tried to control my life, succeeded and failed; how I sought and happiness and love, succeeded and failed; how I tried to make myself productive and relevant in my community, succeeded and failed. Maybe I have not reached my best form yet, or known my real purpose and vocation, but my journey has been towards something good. And I believe God will not protest if I claim that despite my inadequacies and excesses, I have been good. Not perfect. But good.

And these I believe are most important for me: I have been loved. I have been good.

TOMORROW, on my 29^th birthday, I will still be the little prince and the pilot that I was at sixteen. I will still not be a grownup, but only a year older than today. However, with my hairline receding, I would be lying if I say that the thought of being a grownup someday does not affect me in any way. Truth is, it does give me some emotional stress as I go through some normal transition from 20s to 30s and make some adjustments in my lifestyle. It is just that there is so much in youth that I have not outgrown yet. There is so much that I have not experienced yet. And these youth issues have surfaced lately. It is funny, but maybe I am just having either a premature midlife crisis or a late quarter-life crisis. Maybe I am just too anxious of the future. Maybe I am just overanalyzing things. Or maybe, I am just normally living. Maybe, I am growing up – without being a grownup.

Tomorrow, at twenty-nine, I will continue to live and grow up.

Tomorrow, at twenty-nine, I will seize the chance to be stronger, wiser, more grateful, more forgiving, more loving than today.

September 5, 2011